It Is Not A Plastic Tissue
by waterrain
Summary: Japan feels embarrassed for America believes a Condom to be a plastic tissue with all sorts of use and he can't seem to tell America it is a Condom. Some of the other Nations find out and they also learn America does not know what Sex is all about.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia. Please Review and Thank You. **

Japan's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were lowered to the sidewalk for he felt rather embarrassed for America.

"It is a tissue and made out of plastic which makes it better. This heroic plastic tissue can be used for other things." America commented happily and Japan's hands covered his face in sheer embarrassment.

'It is a Condom not a tissue.' Japan thought to himself and he was not able to voice it to America for there was hardly a chance to get a word in. 'It is used for protected sex.'

America opened up the package that contained the condom and used it to blow his nose. Japan shook his head and his cheeks were burning for why must America do such a thing out in public.

"Like carrying fluids-" America started to say, but then Japan interrupted and he just spaced out for a moment not really listening to Japan's words.

"America that is not something one would talk about in public." Japan managed to say and he noticed America was not really paying attention.

"Such as water. Plus it could also carry Cola." America finished and then he gave Japan a bright smile that showed off all of his white teeth. "Umm, What were you saying before?"

"Never mind, America." Japan muttered softly and he gently bite his lip.

'I thought America was talking about some other kind of fluids.' Japan mentally thought and his cheeks were red. 'America is rather innocent and I do not wish to take away that child like innocent.'

"Anyway, I can literally put my mouth on it and blow into it. Which makes this plastic tissue into a sweet balloon." America commented cheerfully and then he smiled happily at Japan. Not really noticing Japan is not looking at him or the fact Japan was too busy picturing it.

Japan mentally pictured America putting the condom onto his lips and blowing into it. He couldn't look at America and his cheeks felt as if they were on fire.

"When I feel rather lazy and don't want to do any extra dishes. I put some scoops of ice cream and a banana that has been cut into it. I do not even have to use a spoon or anything. I can simply push the plastic up and eat my Banana spilt Ice Cream. Plus none of it spills out and not a bit of it slips out of my mouth." America said calmly and his blue eyes were wide. "It is really neat and I love this plastic tissue because I can use it for a lot of things."

Japan coughed and he looked away from America. His cheeks were flushed and it does not help that what America says at times makes him think rather perversely.

"I have a lot of these heroic and cool plastic tissues at my home." America commented calmly and his hand was on Japan's shoulder. "I just have to show you the coolness of it."

Before Japan could say a word or anything. America smiled brightly at him and Japan couldn't find it in himself to reject America's offer.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia. Please Review and Thank You.**

America was filling up the so called 'Plastic Tissue' with water and making a water balloon out of it. Japan sighed softly and he shook his head.

"See it can also turn into a water balloon." America commented happily to Japan and he held it in his hand. However Russia, England, France, Lithuania, and China showed up inside of the kitchen. America smiled brightly and then threw the 'Water Balloon' at Russia.

Russia caught it and then threw it back to America.

"Oh and I forgot to mention that I decided to have some sort of something or another here." America stated calmly and then shrugged his shoulders. He threw the 'Water Balloon' back at Russia and it went on until Lithuania was hit.

"I wanted to look nice and now my shirt is wet." Lithuania muttered to himself and then sighed heavily. As he threw the Condom into the trash and then went to wash his hands.

"It is all fun and games until someone gets wet." America said smoothly and he did not add 'Then it is really hilarious and also like a wet T-Shirt contest.' After all it had happened to Lithuania and not England.

"America, What were you doing..Playing with that condom and filling it up with water." England said calmly and his right eyebrow was raised up.

"It is a heroic plastic tissue." America stated firmly and his arms were crossed in annoyance. He held a package of 'Heroic Plastic Tissue' in his hand and glared at England.

"No, no. My dear and confused America. It is a-" France started to say, but then America glared at him harshly.

"It is a heroic plastic tissue." America repeated happily and he smiled brightly.

'The other Nations are gullible, da. America is just toying with them and having fun.' Russia mentally thought and he smiled faintly to himself. 'Maybe I should play this game too.'

"Da, It is a plastic tissue." Russia commented innocently and his violet eyes went wide.

"See Russia knows it is a plastic tissue." America commented calmly and he gave Russia a small smile.

'I guess Russia found me out. I don't care as long as he doesn't tell anyone.' America thought and then turned to smile happily at everyone. 'I'm having so much fun messing with them.'

"It is a-" England started to say, but then Russia pulled out a pipe and held it out towards him.

"No, no. It is a heroic plastic tissue." America stated smoothly and he was tempted to give a thumbs up to Russia for making England stop talking so quickly.

",But-" France started to say, but then his eyes widened at the sight of Russia's pipe pointed at him and seeing the twisted smile.

"It is a plastic tissue." Russia commented coldly and his smile was twisted.

"This heroic plastic tissue has many uses and purposes." America said cheerfully and his arms were crossed.

"It is made for protected sex." Japan said quietly and his cheeks were burning.

"What is sex?" America asked in a confused voice and he raised an eyebrow. "Is it food?"

"What exactly is sex?" Russia asked calmly and he tilted his head towards Japan. "Is it a ritual of your culture to have protected sex? What is sex?"

"What you two do not know." England said slowly and his eyes were wide opened in shock.

"Correct. Care to explain, da?" Russia asked innocently and America was fighting back a giggle.

"We would love to know what exactly is sex all about." America managed to say and he did not giggle or chuckle at the expressions the other Nations had on their faces. The others struggled to explain, a few cheeks were flushed, and plenty of embarrassment going around. Of course Russia and America did not feel embarrassed simply amused.

America made a motion to Russia and he nodded. They managed to get away and went unnoticed for the other Nations were caught up with trying to exactly explain sex.

"This is fun." Russia stated calmly and in a low voice.

"Yep. Cool right?" America asked cheerfully and made sure he was not too loud.

"They are rather gullible, da." Russia commented smoothly and then he sighed quietly.

"Heh, yeah. I'm not really lying to them." America stated calmly and he smiled brightly.

"You do not like the name." Russia stated flatly and he knows America rather well.

"Correct. I don't like the word Condom and sounds pretty lame too. I prefer the word Heroic Plastic Tissue and I believe in creativity." America stated quietly and he smiled brightly. "There is no such thing as there being only one purpose in something for example in an object or tool or in life."

"Plus Heroic Plastic Tissues sounds better." America added and then softly chuckled to himself.

"It is longer too, da." Russia commented lightly and America held back a giggle.

"I'm having a good time. It would not be as much fun if I was alone." America told him and then grinned at him.

"How long do you think it will take them to find out your joking." Russia said calmly and his head was tilted towards America.

"Hmm, I'll keep them in the dark for a couple of days or weeks." America said slowly and his hand was on his chin.

"You are naughty, da." Russia commented innocently and he watched as America's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink.

"Yep and the only causality will be their own embarrassment." America said in a smooth and innocent voice.

"Comrade, You make things rather interesting." Russia told him bluntly and he gave America a small smile.

"Of course and I do enjoy the attention. I don't mind sharing with you." America told Russia and gave him a thumbs up.

"We can talk later." Russia stated calmly and he watched as America nodded in agreement.

"Uh huh and I'll make sure to make you something." America muttered back and they quietly walked back into the kitchen. The other Nations were having some disagreements and a few were blushing. America and Russia shook their heads for the other Nations are clueless.

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	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia. **

Eventually the only Nation left inside of America's home was Russia. The blue eyed Nation grinned widely at him and sat down on the sofa.

"Man, Russia. It was so funny they were blushing, stuttering , and all that. Difficult not to start laughing." America commented cheerfully. "Seriously, They completely think we are just so innocent and clueless."

"So they think we do not know about the condoms-"

"Heroic plastic tissues because condoms sound so uncool and lame."

"You have a bad habit of interrupting others." Russia said calmly as he looked into those blue eyes.

"I just can't help it. If I don't say it then I forget what I was going to say." America stated firmly and he crossed his arms. "You can interrupt me."

"Let's get off this topic and discuss our next move before we argue." Russia informed him.

"Fine. Let's say at the next world meeting that you and me played with the heroic plastic tissues together. Wonder what they will think about that one." America said causally as he tilted his head and Russia hummed for a moment.

"Or we could ask if they would do us a favor and play with us by using the heroic plastic tissues." Russia suggested calmly and he received a sudden hug from the blue eyed Nation.

"Man, That's an epic suggestion. We could also add that we are ready to receive the heroic plastic tissues from them." America commented gleefully at the smiling Russian. "So, Russia what do you think of that added suggestion?"

The two Nations looked at one another before giggling and they plotted together for about four hours until falling asleep on each other. None of the Nation's had any idea that America and Russia were working together on keeping the rest of the world fooled into thinking they are innocent & clueless about condoms & sex.

**Please Review and Thank You.**


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